Hello and Good Morning, 2012!!
Okay, yes, 2012 is technically 4 days old and I am just now acknowledging it. Yikes. Good thing it’s a new calendar year and not a living being, dependent on me for sustenance and survival.
So many things going on right now, so many things to write about! Perhaps I should start with a postmortem on 2011.
2011: Oh, 2-0-1-1… you were a hard year. Nothing close to the way 2009 was a hard year, absolutely not, nothing like that. And, to be fair, following the mostly amazing year that 2010 was for me, there was quite a lot to live up to. This was still a good year, a great year, even… but a hard year. The first few months found me absolutely struggling: broke and in debt with no work prospects, and unsure of where I would lay my head. February brought a new job and the signing of the lease of the Super Cute and Charming Cottage. March brought my 30th birthday, long lunch walks at the Duck Pond with this guy from work, who became my actual real-live boyfriend right around St. Patrick’s Day. April began my schedule change at work, which meant I was stuck at work every single Saturday until at least 7:30, sometimes as late as 9 p.m. Thus began the period I like to call: The Death of my Social Life.
I spent a lot of the summer training for a new position at work, one that I was very excited about, one that was supposed to start in September, October 10th, October 17th… and then on October 3rd, our little company was sold to the biggest, baddest shark in our industry, and instead October 17th became my first day at my new new OLD job, self-employed, subcontracting/working from home. The same one that left me so broke at the beginning of the year. However, I am pleased to say that November and December were my busiest months of work EVER, and I made a good deal of money. Enough that I am able to begin 2012 completely out of the debt I was in, with a small amount of savings. Gotta make hay while the sun is shining, as they say, and I’ve been a haymaking fool. I took every bit of work I was offered. I had a huge project the past couple of days that left me working through the night with no sleep, so I’m good for the rest of the week, but yet, still panicking a bit inside because I have no work lined up at the moment. That’s the fine line I walk. It’s been busy. There should and most likely will be work, in the weeks ahead. But it’s the unknown that scares me.
I guess that’s my big lesson from 2011: so much of life is unknown. I made some grand, sweeping declarations about 2011, as we are wont to do, at the beginning of a fresh new year, but honestly? NOTHING went how I imagined, dreamed, or even planned for. Not necessarily in a BAD way, just in surprising, unexpected ways that caused everything else to shift and change.
October brought with it not only the employment upheaval and uncertainty, but also the expiration and/or re-signing of the lease on the Cute and Charming Cottage, that we once called Narnia. Except Narnia it was not. As it turns out, kindhearted and grandparent-like landlords, while sweet and good, can also be absentminded and neglectful. There were a whole list of problems–a week without water, a leaking roof, a water leak inside the wall which resulted in a sizzling power outlet, a back door that doesn’t shut or lock properly/water gushing in the back porch door every time it rains–and not much, if any, resolution to those problems.
In theory, driving a half-mile of stone lane back to the cottage seemed quaint and quiet and charming, but in reality: dodging the giant potholes became nearly impossible, my car got constantly scratched up from the brush and branches, and at times it could be a little scary back there when an unknown vehicle or unknown person or anything else goes BOOM in the night.
I ultimately decided that I would not renew my half of the lease, provided that my friend and roommate could find someone else to take over. It’s fair to say that relations were a bit strained anyhow, and I take 100 percent of the blame for that. I originally moved in there as a happy, turning-30-year-old, single, and ready for fun roommate adventures. Instead, Adam invited me to the zoo (literally and figuratively) and everything turned on its head. I spent more and more time with him, less time at the cottage, to the point where I was basically just paying for a place to sleep a few hours a night.
November found me shacking up with my boyfriend at his apartment. With my job situation being what it is (freelance, unpredictable) and his job situation at our old company in a precarious state (read: he really doesn’t know if he will have a job past February/March), and the fact that we were spending all of our free time together anyway, it kind of seemed like a no-brainer. I know there are people in my life who think this “no-brainer” decision actually means that I have taken leave from my senses in making it, but honestly, I struggled (struggled!) with deciding if moving in with Adam was really the Best Choice, and ultimately, we both decided it was.
I went over so many things… if I was my friend, would I recommend this choice; if I was my daughter, would I approve, and so on and so forth. It comes down to this: people can argue as to whether this was the best choice, but I am confident that it really was, for us. In these uncertain times, we are fairly confident that between the two of us, we should be able to keep the roof over our heads, instead of struggling to make rent on two places.
In another life, I am confident that we would have been engaged or even married by now. I know this because marriage and life-long commitment has been Adam’s intention from the very beginning. He was and is extremely clear about that. I, however, am the one holding us back. (Not forever, just for now.) There are a myriad of reasons for that, which I will address later (On the blog. In real life, I am addressing them now).
In conclusion: 2011 has left me happy overall, but very, very tired. I’ve been working my tail off, and I hope to have a lot of work in this first quarter of 2012. 2011 was filled with unexpected surprises (good) and bumps in the road (bad, but surmountable).
2012 is so unknown for me (and let’s face it: for everyone) that I’m trying not to plan too much, yet also I don’t want to fail to plan. (“If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.”) There is a very good chance that by year’s end I could be a.) Living 1500 miles away from here. b.) Married c.) None of the above, bewildered, and wondering where my year went.
I miss my friends (here and everywhere.) I miss my family. I hope to achieve a better work:life balance. And most of all, I want to learn to take each day as it comes. Tomorrow will care for itself. Today has enough trouble of its own (Matthew 6).
